Who the Rangers Should Sign...

It appears Donald Brashear reads this here website. A few nights ago, after the overtime loss in Atlanta, I wrote that the entire team needs to start hitting more; I then singled him out for being a complete waste of money and being a shell of what he used to be. Teams aren't afraid to take runs at Marian Gaborik, Henrik Lundqvist, or the rest of the team, because Brashear isn't going to make them pay with a fit of violence like he used to.

Maybe it's being injured (I don't care, if you're too hurt to play, don't play); maybe it's being scared of the league suspending him (really?); maybe it's him just not having "it" anymore (most probably). Regardless, he hadn't been in a fight since Thanksgiving-time, and he hadn't stuck up for anyone in weeks.

In today's matinee tilt against Boston, he changed his tune. He was hitting people after the whistle, trying to get involved, and even had a fight.

Of course, he was ineffective. He lost the fight - pretty badly. In fact, it was embarrassing. Donald Brashear circa 2003 would pummel Donald Brashear 2010 into a bloody pulp, then sucker-punch Aaron Ward en route to the locker room. He wouldn't even care about the 2-game suspension that follows.

Hell, you know Brashear is useless when Ranger fans would rather see Aaron Voros in the lineup. Atleast Voros cares and sticks up for teammates.

So, you ask, who should the Rangers sign?


That's right, there he is. Ronnie from MTV's Jersey Shore.

Let's look at the facts...

1) He's from New York. He was born and raised in the Bronx. The team needs homegrown talent, not mercenaries born in Indiana and raised in Quebec. You know he'd do NY proud.

2) He comes to the defense of teammates. Who could forget when Snooki got punched in the fact by that guy at the bar and he went looking for blood? If that gentleman wasn't arrested, Ronnie would've delivered his own brand of vigilante justice.

3) He'd be a cheap Salary Cap hit. With virtually no ice hockey experience, he'd be signed for the league minimum and he'd be on a two-way contract. If it didn't work out, they could send him to Hartford and not fear him being picked up by a different team.

4) He's cocky. He has a swagger. He's overly confident. The last time the Rangers had an enforcer like that, well, it was last year with Colton Orr. Orr went into every fight knowing he was going to win. Ronnie has the same mentality. Maybe he'll even have the same sadistic win every time he knocks out Todd Fedoruk.

5) He'd be a great deterrent. And, uh, he's pretty strong. Look at those muscles! And did you see the size of the protein powder he brought with him for his month at the Jersey shore? No one in their right mind would run over Lundqvist in the crease with Ronnie sitting on the bench waiting to knock someone's skull in.

6) He whooped that guy on the Boardwalk. He delivered about 5 or 6 solid shots to that guy's head. And you know every time they play the Devils he would get up for that game.

If anyone has Glen Sather's number, let him know.