Live Blog: New York Islanders vs. Tampa Bay Lightning

Live Blog - New York Islanders vs. New Jersey Devils

Rangers-Pens 3rd Period Live Blog

Well, I always wanted to play around with Cover It Live, and I wanted to watch the Rangers tonight... so why not combine the two?

Live Blog: Pittsburgh Penguins at New York Islanders

What better way to ring in the holiday weekend - and our first night in the Blog Box - than to do a live blog of tonight's game? Here we go!

 - I'm not sure what I'd rather have happen: The Islanders moving to Las Vegas or hearing this stupid "Meet Me At The Lighthouse" song one more time.

 - They're doing the whole giant-American-flag-at-center-ice thing yet again. This was a cool thing when they did it the first time. Now? Sort of old hat. They kind of ruined it when they started doing it every game.

 - The Islanders take a penalty and Pens goalie Danny Sabourin stays in the net. Good idea.

 - Right off the bat, Joey MacDonald makes a nice save on a Malkin blast from the point. The crowd is chanting "Princess Crosby" at Gary Bettman's favorite player. Interesting, but effective.

 - I have to say, I'm not used to being this close to the action. Every shot looks like twice as hard as it does from the 300s. That said, MacDonald looks sharp early on. He has to be, as the Pens are firing at will.

 - The scoreboard educates us about Turdecken, the favorite Thanksgiving food of the immortal John Madden. Unfortunately for Mr. Madden, it doesn't come with a side of Brett Favre.

 - Two icings in a row for Pittsburgh. I bet Howie and Billy are complaining that they can't take at TV timeout.

 - Power play for the Isles. They should start declining penalties at this point.

 - Streit puts on a weak shot from the point. Nobody's in front of the net to deflect it. Of course.

 - One of the Penguins runs over MacDonald with 32 seconds left in the Islanders' power play. By the time Richard Park figures out what to do, eleven seconds elapse. Now the Isles only get a 21-second two-man advantage instead of a 32-second one. Big difference.

 - The Isles get a little pass-happy on the five-on-three and miss one opportunity, but end up getting the goal anyway as Doug Weight taps in a rebound. We thought they were going to give the goal to Josh Bailey, but they didn't. Damn. Anyway, 1-0 Isles.

 - Trent Hunter comes in on a broken play and backhands one past Sabourin to give the Isles a 2-0 lead! Sabourin could be getting rattled by a pretty impressive crowd tonight. And that's two assists for Bailey, who has all but written his ticket for a permanent stay on Long Island.

 - We were just given free Lighthouse shirts. Meet me at the Lighthouse... and don't forget your smile...

 - As soon as the puck drops after the TV timeout, Mitch Fritz engages in fisticuffs with former Islander Eric Godard. Nice, long bout, with both guys getting in good shots. Maybe Gordon should up Fritz's ice time to two minutes a game.

 - This game's starting to get a little physical, which is nice. We're starting to see more up-and-down action, with both teams having their chances.

 - The Islanders ice the puck, the Ice Girls come out... only there's no TV timeout because you can't have a TV timeout after an icing call. Whoops.

 - Now, we have our TV timeout, as Andy Hilbert takes a boarding penalty. Hard to believe, right?

 - Pat Sajak is being interviewed on the scoreboard and says, and I quote, "Rangers Suck". After the interview, the Coliseum game ops staff reminds us that we're two-thirds of the way to free chili. Personally, I'd rather pay the dollar for chili than have the cashier at Wendy's look at me like I have three heads after asking for free chili.

 - Miroslav Satan is playing in front of the net on the power play, as opposed to when he played for the Islanders, when he used to stand at the point and miss the net.

 - Bailey made an excellent play behind the net to steal the puck and create a great scoring chance. Unfortunately, Jon Sim can't put it home. We end the first with the Islanders comfortably ahead 2-0. And by "comfortably", I mean there's a great chance it'll be 2-2 before long.

 - The second period brings rise to all the crappy emo music I dread hearing at Islander games. How wonderful.

 - The puck is taking some weird bounces tonight. The Islanders would do well to keep firing the puck on Sabourin, who's given up some pretty good rebounds tonight.

 - The officials changed the scoring on Weight's goal, giving the assist to Streit instead of Bailey.

 - The pace has slowed down a little bit as the second period unfolds. The focus in the Blog Box turns to Family Guy clips on YouTube and the Ice Girl who stopped by to say hello.

 - The Isles have had at least three great opportunities, but have opted for the pass each time. However, they're working hard in the offensive zone and drew a penalty. Best part? It's on Malkin. Gotta score here.

 - And just like that, Guerin fires one from the top of the faceoff circle to make it 3-0. Which sounded awesome until I realized the Islanders now have a three-goal lead. Sabourin gets the yank; he's replaced by someone named "John Curry". He wears #1. It's actually his first NHL appearance, which means he'll be utterly dominant.

 - So you know how I said the Islanders should start declining penalties? They're 2-for-3 on the man advantage tonight. So much for that line of thinking.

 - This is kind of a jinx... but Pittsburgh is playing like crap. They haven't gotten consistent pressure all game long, the Islanders have had a number of odd-man rushes, and the Pens' goaltending hasn't been anything to write home about.

 - On the penalty kill, Jordan Staal gets a breakaway, but Joey MacDonald comes up huge with a kick save. The Pens have had three good chances on this PK. Maybe they should play shorthanded for the rest of the game.

 - New feature on the scoreboard: The Supercuts "Who Needs A Haircut" cam. We're treated to a bunch of fans who badly need haircuts. I like this one. I've seen worse, anyway.

 - The Isles have blown a golden opportunity by allowing Curry, a cold goalie with nerves about making his first NHL appearance, time to get comfortable. This could come back to bite them later.

 - The Pens get one with 18.7 seconds left in the second. Looks like Satan tapped it in. Suddenly, a three-goal deficit becomes a very manageable two-goal deficit. Not good. We saw how late goals killed the Isles in Jersey on Friday. Let's hope for a different result this time. 3-1 Isles to end the third. So far, so good... but I'm still a bit worried.

 - Intermission Idiocy: The Human Puck Shoot! I love this one. Parents put their kids on sleds and shove them into the goal from the blue line. Clearly, this is something I'll be doing when my daughter is old enough.

 - My favorite guilty pleasure of attending Islander games is the text messages that appear on the scoreboard. If you haven't seen this, they basically take the dumbest comments people text to some number and put them on the scoreboard. Unfortunately, they never put up my texts. I always send the same one: "Stan Fischler is old."

 - According to the scoreboard, the average person consumes 4,500 calories on Thanksgiving. Very inspiring.

 - The Penguins knock one in at the same time as one of their players barrels over MacDonald, knocking the net off. After a review, the call on the ice (no goal) stands.

 - The refs let three consecutive penalties go, including one dive by the Islanders and one hook by Crosby. Seconds later, Crosby scores to make it 3-2. Here we go again...

 - The Isles have gotten extremely sloppy over the past 15 or so minutes. Pretty much ever since they scored that third goal, they stopped playing their game and reverted into the shell that has led to them blowing many a third-period lead. Since the end of the first period - that's 27 minutes of hockey - the Islanders have ten shots on goal. That's not going to get it done.

 - Right off the TV timeout, Petr Sykora gets a point-blank opportunity from the slot. If the Islanders lose this game, they're going to regret it. With a goalie playing his first NHL minutes on the other end, the Islanders haven't tested him at all. If I were Scott Gordon, I'd call a timeout and kindly remind his team that they've blown like five three-goal leads in the past month.

 - Ten minutes left in the third, and the Islanders ice the puck. I can't even remember the last time the Islanders carried the puck over the blue line. It was probably in the second period.

 - Malkin scores to make it 3-3. And I have to admit, I totally saw this coming. As did every other Islander fan in the building. The Islanders haven't played their game in well over a period and it finally came back to bite them. The good thing is, there's nine minutes left to get the lead back.  The bad thing is, Pittsburgh has all the momentum in the world right now.

 - Under a minute after scoring goal number three, Makin puts in number four. Crosby gets the assist once again. This is exactly what the Islanders deserve after mailing in the last 30 or so minutes of this game.

 - As if everyone in the Coliseum is under a malaise, the game ops staff play "I'll Stick Around" by the Foo Fighters. Which would have been fine, except they played it in the first period as well. Whoops.

 - Instead of playing hard and trying to get the lead back, Guerin tries to goad two Penguins into fights. This is with 7:19 left in a game the Islanders are currently losing. He gets two well-deserved minutes. Remember, this is our captain we're talking about here.

 - The Penguins are just having their way with the Islanders right now. The Isles are scrambling around on the PK and can barely contain the Penguins at this point. Not good.

 - We gotta wrap this up so that we can head down to the locker room and watch the players try to explain away their latest blown lead. Unless, of course, the Isles pull victory from the jaws of defeat yet again. As Tony Schiavone would say, the tape machines are rolling... should the Islanders not blow this game, that'd be excellent. But at this point, it's hard to expect anything else.

Live Blog: Islanders vs. Penguins

I could write a decent open to this live blog. But the Islanders' e-mail newsletter said it better than I ever could... "Commissioner Gordon Takes On The Penguin". Maybe Howie Rose and Billy Jaffe write the e-mail newsletter?

 - We begin tonight's broadcast with - get this - Stan Fischler making an interesting point. He suggested to C.J. Papa that as good as Sidney Crosby is, he might be even better without the pressures that come with being captain of the Penguins. Billy Jaffe disagrees; I'm not sure where I stand. But good thinking by the Hockey Maven.

 - Jaffe informs us that those of us watching in HD will get to watch an exciting game. Um, what about everyone else? Anyway, the HD feed is a little choppy. I feel like I'm watching a streaming video over a bad Internet connection. Those third uniforms look pretty sweet in HD, though.

 - Interesting lineup tonight, as Sean Bergenheim, Jeff Tambellini, and Tim Jackman are all dressed. Nate Thompson, unfortunately, is out with a groin strain. Figures. As soon as he shows promise, he gets hurt. Hey, at least they told us what happened to him; as Jaffe said during the last game, Crosby probably doesn't even know where he got hurt. I love Billy Jaffe.

 - Joey MacDonald looks fairly stout on the first real scoring chance of the game. He pulls an old-school DP move and looks behind him to see if the puck got by him. Thankfully, it didn't.

 - Eight minutes in, we go to our first commercial break... and I don't think the Islanders have a shot on goal yet. They've gotten nothing going offensively. Pittsburgh's doing a good job getting back, and the Islanders haven't had enough chances to get anything resembling sustained pressure.

 - Ad Break #1: Cablevision, Emblem Health, and "Redemption Song" with YOUR new WWE champion, Chris Jericho. At least there's some justice in this world.

 - Maxime Talbot takes a dumb slashing penalty, and we have the game's first power play. Howie points out that the Penguins have the league's sixth-best penalty kill. Suddenly, I'm not so excited about the next two minutes.

 - A tale of two minutes. The first minute was excellent. The second, not so much.

 - Ad Break #2: Bridgestone, Geico, McDonald's. I had a triple cheeseburger for lunch today. Tremendous.

 - Panasonic Digital Replay. Drink!

 - Howie and Billy go over the Penguins' stellar draft record over the past five or so years. I'm a bit jealous. But it also goes to show you - even when things look extremely bleak, as they did for the Penguins not so long ago, there's always hope.

 - Not much has happened in this first period, but we finally have a goal! Doug Weight knucklepucks one over the shoulder of Penguins backup Danny Sabourin to give the Islanders a 1-0 lead. I'm starting to like Weight more these days. This is probably because of his "Day in the Life" special on the NHL Network. Quality program. Anyway, Bill Guerin and Andy Hilbert get the assists. If the Isles can keep this lead until the end of the period, that'd be very nice.

 - Finally, end-to-end action shows up. We're starting to see the game we thought we'd see. Thank God. It only took like 18 minutes to get going, but the rest of this one should be fun.

 - Ad Break #3: Mercedes-Benz, Optimum Rewards, Ridgewood Savings Bank. You know, the one where the guy's jogging on the treadmill in the middle of the bank. I can't even remember the last time I was actually inside of a bank. You can do everything online these days. Why even have branches?

 - One minute left in the first period. One thing I never understood about the Coliseum clock - when the time goes under a minute, the clock gets very screwy. And even on TV, you can see it. It's not a smooth trip from 60 to 0; instead, it starts and stops for half-seconds at a time.

 - Intermission Time! Stan Fischler calls Mats Sundin "a spoiled brat" for taking his time deciding what he wants to do. He then predicts Sundin will sign with the Rangers. But the Maven isn't done. He calls Sidney Crosby a "stiff" and commends Pascal Dupuis for having a nice name.

 - Some sloppy hockey to begin the second period. Crosby gets hurt on the ice and for some reason, jumps over the boards instead of walking through the door that's opened just inches away from him. Still, he had a better shift than Ruslan Fedotenko and Thomas Pock, each of whom had awful giveaways.

 - Tyler Kennedy makes one of those plays you see coming a mile away, but you can't stop. He brings the puck over the line, passes it, acts like he's going to hang back at the blue line, then cuts to the net and taps in the easy goal. We're tied at 1. You have to tip your cap to Kennedy for that one. Nice moves.

 - The Islanders haven't rebounded too well from that goal. We need a fight. Of course, there's a penalty, so that's not going to happen for at least two minutes.

 - Sloppy PK work from the Islanders. Pittsburgh had a number of good chances, but somehow couldn't convert. The Islanders almost ended up with a home run pass to Richard Park, but no luck. Beats letting up a power play goal, though.

 - Ad Break #4: Bridgestone, some tourist promo, Panasonic.

 - A close-up of Ruslan Fedotenko, who has parlayed his 2004 playoff into yet another bad contract. Good for him. He'll be getting a great view of the Penguins from the press box sooner rather than later.

 - Weight takes a slashing penalty, which is just retarded. He had two guys right behind him; had Malkin beaten Weight, there were two d-men ready to take Malkin out. I smell a PP goal.

 - No power play goal. However, my six-month-old daughter let out two massive burps. Clearly, she inherited Daddy's flatulence genes.

 - Weight comes out of the box and enters into a two-on-one with Tim Jackman. Weight takes forever setting up a shot, which rebounds right to Jackman, who jams it home. 2-1 Isles. That's two points for Weight tonight. Andy Sutton gets the other assist. 

 - Still waiting for that fight. Jackman could be the guy. Howie says Jackman had six goals and five fighting majors in Bridgeport so far this year.

 - Ad Break #5: Geico, Lincoln, Marines. Immediately upon returning, we get a Panasonic Digital Replay. Hooray!

 - Howie drops the name of Dean Chynoweth, whose dad is being inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame. Chynoweth's dad was the president of the Western Hockey League; presumably, he did a better job than Dean did as an Islander.

 - Suddenly, it's the Islanders who are taking it to the Penguins. They're getting the puck deep almost every time, while the Penguins are just getting it over the blue line and dumping it in (if that).

 - Just as I note the Islanders' ability to get the puck in deep, the Isles set up their third goal. Sutton gets it to Kyle Okposo, who has Hilbert as a screen. Hilbert instead positions himself for a pass, Okposo reads the play, and Hilbert has an easy goal. 3-1 Isles. That's another two-goal lead. Uh-oh.

 - Ad Break #6: NY Red Bulls (they need to win tomorrow), FSN Final Score, Qantas (the world's most experienced airline), and some show about Jon & Kate on TLC. Whatever.

 - And just like that, the Islanders get to work on blowing their two-goal lead. A bouncing puck eludes Bruno Gervais' stick, Jordan Staal hops on it, and puts a nice move on MacDonald to put the Pens within one. Howie and Billy have been talking about the subpar ice surface of the Coliseum all night, but that's no excuse. If you're Gervais and Staal gets by you, you have to absolutely maul him. Worst case scenario, he gets a penalty shot, which he pretty much already has anyway.

 - Penalty to Guerin. Here we go again.

 - Crosby makes a beautiful play to dump the puck in so that it bounces off the boards, then the side of the net, and right to a cutting Miroslav Satan. Jaffe tells us Crosby spent an extra 40 minutes after practice working on angling off the boards. I don't doubt it, either. This is something Wayne Gretzky used to do all the time.

 - Sean Bergenheim gets loose on a shorthanded breakaway opportunity, but Kris Letang is all over him. See, that's what you're supposed to do there. It really doesn't matter what you do in that situation as long as the other guy doesn't score. Good play by Letang, one of the more underrated d-men in the league.

 - Gervais gets whistled for doing... not all that much. Tough night for Bruno. The Penguins have had something like four power plays in a row; the Islanders have had one for the entire game. Just saying is all.

 - Intermission Time! I like C.J. Papa's tie. Stan's outfit looks like one of those shirt-and-tie combos you buy from Kohl's for $15. Stan wastes no time in breaking out the alliteration; this time, he says the Islanders need to use "aggression and acumen". Apparently that means "avoiding stupid penalties, none of this business about the ice not being good, Gervais should have taken the man, period." Meanwhile, C.J. Papa is trying not to laugh. Fischler goes on to state that Richard Park is "a ferret on the spore of a loose puck", whatever that means. But, as usual, he's not done. He then calls out the referees for not telling Scott Gordon why exactly they've called like 20 slashing penalties on the Islanders tonight. And just as C.J. is breaking into an awkward segue into the Family Fun Pack promo to end the segment, Stan stops C.J. and asks if he agrees with his take on the referees. C.J.: "I always agree with you. We're wearing the same suit, we have to agree." I swear, these segments are absolutely must-see TV.

 - We get a teaser for Hockey Night LIVE! Prediction: Of the 30 minutes of airtime, approximately 28 will be dedicated to the Rangers.

 - The third period opens with the obligatory "Islanders Blown Leads" graphic. Thanks, guys. The power play has a number of close calls, but MacDonald is game each time. After the final flurry, Howie exclaims, "Stan Fischler will be singing barnyard tunes after that one!" Have I ever mentioned how much I love the Islanders' broadcast team?

 - Pittsburgh has the first five shots of the third period. Nice to see the Islanders have learned their lessons from their many blown leads. If I were Scott Gordon, here's what I'd tell my team. "Look, if you try to protect the lead, you're going to lose anyway. Why not just try being aggressive?" I don't think coaches really think this way, but it'd be nice if they did.

 - Okposo gets a great feed in the slot and does that stupid thing where he goes down on one knee to take his shot, which ends up doing him in. If he had stayed straight up, he could have at least put a fake on Sabourin. Instead, it's an easy save for the Penguins goalie.

 - Pittsburgh is absolutely buzzing. This is like watching a stay of execution. You just know Pittsburgh is going to score, it's just a matter of when. How depressing.

 - Jaffe states that Andy Sutton has eight blocked shots. Wow.

 - A Matt Cooke shot rings off the post. Time to use that timeout, Mr. Gordon.

 - The Penguins are not only putting tremendous pressure on MacDonald, but they're also swarming the puck carrier every time the Islanders gain the offensive zone. I'm more than a bit worried right now.

 - We're halfway through the period and we haven't had a TV timeout yet. The Islanders have iced the puck three straight times. I love how Scott Gordon coaches with both hands around his neck late in games. Even Mike Milbury would have called a timeout by now.

 - Frans Nielsen gets open in the slot, doesn't shoot for some reason, but draws a penalty. Finally, a TV timeout! The Ice Girls are going to be awfully busy going forward.

 - Ad Break #7: Bridgestone, Marines, Emblem Health. And, of course, a Panasonic Digital Replay.

 - What an awful power play. No shots on goal, of course. The Islanders spent two minutes trying to make the perfect play, forgetting that two of their three goals tonight came on rebounds.

 - Ad Break #8: Infiniti, Christian's Children's Fund. Sadly, we're cheated out of a crappy third commercial.

 - Five minutes left in the third. Shots on goal this period: Pittsburgh 12, Islanders 0. About that whole "We're not going to sit on the lead anymore" thing? Yeah.

 - Well, we all saw that one coming. With 3:15 left, Pittsburgh ties the game. Kennedy deflects in a slapshot from the point to make it 3-3. Of course, they have to get your hopes up before blowing the lead. But you know what? They deserve it. Zero shots on goal in the third? You reap what you sow, and I don't want to hear another word about how the Islanders are "learning" about how to play with a lead. That's now FOUR GAMES OUT OF FIVE where they've blown two-goal leads. Even if the Islanders win this one, it goes down as a disappointment.

 - Ad Break #9: McDonald's, Lincoln, Islanders promo, Boomer Esiason Show.

 - The iO replay is Andy Hilbert's goal. Shots on the net. I remember those.

 - Jeff Tambellini makes a nice play. A blocked shot leads to a semi-breakaway and the Islanders' first shot on goal in the period. Whoo-hoo.

 - Nielsen gets a point-blank opportunity to win the game in regulation with just seconds left, but misses the net. Overtime. That's one point. Great. Two should be in the bank already.

 - Overtime Bonus Ad Break: NHL.com. Should've been a car ad. We've only seen 80 of those tonight.

 - Looks like the Islanders remembered how to play hockey in this overtime. We're seeing more of the team that played very well for two periods. I guess the time off served them well.

 - The final 90 seconds of this game just totally open up. It's reminiscent of the final round of a boxing match, when both guys are just letting the punches fly before the judges make their decisions. Both teams have their chances; the chippy ice hinders the options of both teams. It's a shame it took this long for the teams to figure out that they should just put ANYTHING on net, because it's the most reliable option out there.

 - Just to stick it to the Islanders, Mark Streit draws a four-minute penalty with two seconds left. Wonderful.

 - We're headed to a shootout. Sykora, Satan, Crosby for the Penguins; Weight, Guerin, and Hunter for the Islanders. I bet anything Satan goes to the backhand. That's all he ever did with the Islanders.

 - The Islanders have blocked 29 shots tonight. Wow.

 - Weight goes five-hole, but Sabourin gets a pad on it. 0-0.

 - Sykora puts on a nice backhand move to beat a sprawling MacDonald. 1-0 Pens.

 - Guerin tries to wait out Sabourin, who doesn't commit, and Guerin just shoots it right into Sabouin's glove. 1-0 Pens.

 - Satan eschews the backhand in favor of a Guerin-esque move. No luck. 1-0 Pens.

 - Hunter shoots one into the middle of Sabourin, who falls back into the net. It's called a no-goal. The officials call Toronto. The replay shows the puck go under Sabourin's left pad, which stays right on the line. You can't see the puck at all under the pad. It looks like the puck actually goes inside the pad. I don't see how this gets overturned. Not to say it didn't go in, but the evidence doesn't appear to be here.

 - No goal. Pens win the game, 4-3. That's a fair ruling. It's one of those calls where the call on the ice was going to stand no matter what. It's also fair that the Islanders, who didn't show up for the third period at all, didn't get two points out of this one.

 - Next Islanders game is Tuesday against Philadelphia. Those of us who have work won't be able to watch. Maybe that's a good thing. These blown leads are a serious, serious problem. And with the ending of this one, the focus will be on the ref's decision, not yet another blown lead. Seriously, if they can't figure this out yet, when are they going to? It's maddening.

Live Blog: New York Islanders vs. New Jersey Devils

Finally, we get to see the Islanders play.

It's about time.

After a pre-season in which not one second of gameplay was aired on MSG or MSG Plus, we finally get Islanders hockey. We've been waiting a long time for this season; believe it or not, the Islanders last played an official game six months ago. We deserve this. So let's have some fun.

I'm here with my wife (she hates hockey), my friend Leslie (a die-hard Islander fan), and little Kylie. Here's your gratuitous cute baby picture...

Aww.

Drinking game rules ARE in effect tonight, at least where I am. Follow along at your own pace. Tonight's wild card - every time you see the "hole in the throat" voice-box guy, drink. If he concludes his commercial with a line drenched in self-pity (i.e. "I am always afraid of bad news", "I used to love swimming"), chug. Again, sucks for that guy, but these ads are a bit much for my tastes. We don't need to see these five times a game.

Enough about that guy, though. We've got live hockey coming up tonight! Islanders and Devils! Let's get started with some random notes...

- I wore my Mike Comrie shirt to work today. Part of my motivation was for tonight's game, but there's something more. It was also to commemorate what was approximately my 10,000th viewing of his MVK NYC commercial. Let's make every ticket count! On a serious note, that's a pretty good cause Comrie has aligned himself with. If people would donate their tickets instead of bolstering the considerable profits of StubHub every time they couldn't make a game, maybe the game could grow a little more.

- As you watch the Devils tonight, keep this tidbit in mind, because it absolutely blew me away. Apparently, the Devils have a policy on their uniform numbers. Players only get to choose from numbers one through forty, with the only exceptions being marquee players. I found this out from, of all places, Kevin Weekes' Wikipedia page. Initially, I dismissed it as just another bogus Wikipedia fact. But then I thought about it, and I couldn't remember a Devils player ever wearing a number higher than 40 aside from Alexander Mogilny. Curious, I e-mailed noted Devils fan Greg Wyshynski. His response? "Absolutely true." He also pointed out that Doug Gilmour was another player who got to wear a high number because of his stature as an elite player. How about that?

- We're not entirely sure what to expect from tonight's broadcast, with one notable exception. Deb Kaufman/Placey is out as sideline reporter. Her replacement is the infamous C.J. Papa, formerly of the "C.J. Papa Intermission Report" which aired between periods at the Coliseum. It usually consisted of an awkward interview and some barely audible insight into the previous 20 minutes of play. Anyway, if you want a sneak preview of what to expect, check out this blog written by someone who claims to be C.J. Papa. We can only hope it's an impostor. Anyway, Deb is headed off to the greener pastures of MSG, NY, following in the hard-to-fill footsteps of Jonathan Coachman.

- Wonderful news, Islander fans! Since the Rangers are playing on MSG and the Devils' broadcast will be on MSG Plus, the Islanders' broadcast will be on the true home of hockey. That, of course, would be C-Span 2. Check your local listings to see if you even have this channel.

- Your former Islanders count for tonight is at a robust three - Michael Rupp, Kevin Weekes, and Brent Sutter. Drink one for Sutter, who was a total d-bag throughout the Isles' 2006 search for a head coach, swore he'd never leave Red Deer, then left for the Devils' job within a year.

- MSG is showing the Rangers' pre-game. MSG Plus is showing the Devils' pre-game. MSG Plus 2, as C-Span 2 is affectionately being called tonight, is showing speeches from the U.S Senate. From Thursday. Oy.

- As long as we're dumping on Sutter, let's point out this tidbit - the Devils, for all of their "run and gun" talk last year, actually scored fewer goals than they did in the 2003-04 season.

- Breaking news from the Devils' pre-game - Rick DiPietro is OUT for tonight. Joey MacDonald gets the start. Gulp.

- Interesting highlight package from the Devils' crew. They did a package of their returning players, highlighted by a Bobby Holik package in which he scored on Eric Fichaud and the fishermen-clad Islanders.

- 7:00 rolls around... and we still have political talk on C-Span 2. Yuck. Thankfully, we've already started drinking.

- The Devils introduce their lineup to an absolutely dead crowd. Seriously. You can't even hear a pindrop. Judging by the look of the crowd, there are plenty of great seats available, as always.

- The puck drops and the action is fast and fairly furious. Richard Park, wearing the "A" in the absence of Mike "The Pigeon" Sillinger, rings one off the iron. Or, as Doc Emrick says, "the pipe". By the way, C-Span 2 is still showing highlights of the Vice Presidential debate.

- Elias gets a sweet pass in the slot and almost beats MacDonald. We go to our first commercial break and, in the shocker of the century, we still have no Islanders telecast. I bet Howie Rose doesn't have these problems when he calls Mets games on WFAN.

- Panasonic Digital Replay! That's a drink for those of you playing along.

- Here's something I heard last night on Versus that we haven't heard about yet. They aren't going to be cutting to commercial breaks after icing calls anymore. Apparently, coaches figured out the TV timeout schedule and knew they'd be getting a minute to rest if they iced the puck at the right time.

- "It's a power play goal!" Oh wait, wrong home-team announcer. Mark Streit and Doug Weight get their first points as Islanders, as Weight puts one in front of the net, Bill Guerin whiffs on the deflection, but the puck goes off Paul Martin's skate and into the net. 1-0 Islanders! You can bet Martin Brodeur will be whining about this one later on.

- Ten minutes in... and no Howie and Billy yet. Ugh.

- Paul Martin gets his revenge! His slapshot from the point ends up on the stick of Zach Parise, who backhands it in for a goal. We're all tied up. Bah. At least both goals were on the power play.

- Kyle Okposo gets a breakaway chance, but gets held up... PENALTY SHOT!

- Okposo's penalty shot results in a glove save. This results in Chico Resch orgasming, shouting about how nobody should ever go glove side on Martin Brodeur ever again. Whatever. By the way, I'm convinced Chico is wearing a toupee.

- We end the first period with a 1-1 tie. The score is identical over at the Garden. We get an intermission report. I get to feed the baby. She's a lot more cooperative than C-Span 2 has been. STILL no Islander game over there.

- Just by chance checking in on C-Span 2, we have hockey! Our first sighting of Howie Rose and Billy Jaffe, and not a moment too soon. We gladly trade in our HD picture for the dulcet tones of our home team.

- The Devils score! Blast. Patrik Elias practically bowls over Joey MacDonald and shoves the Isles' goalie into the net; the puck goes in with it. The Devils play "Rock & Roll II". That's not our goal song anymore. Thank God.

- The Isles desperately need a fight. Bill Guerin and David Clarkson were jawing before, but they probably won't go. The Isles never got the enforcer they needed. What a surprise. If Mike Comrie leads the team in fight majors again, I might become a Rangers fan.

- Howie and Billy makes us realize how much we missed them. Billy says something about Howie being up for 21 straight hours. Howie's response: "That's 21 hours of sunshine, baby!" We drink to that one. Gotta love Howie Rose.

- Speaking of drinking, we're on our third beers of the night. The drinking game hasn't gone that well because of the lack of Howie, Billy, and DP, but as Leslie says, "This is the kind of game that will make you drink no matter what."

- The Isles hit the post twice on the same shift. Ugh.

- Jeff Tambellini takes a penalty. Tambellini needs to impress, and soon. He's dangerously close to getting typecast as a career minor leaguer. Or maybe it's just a coincidence that he's well over a point-a-game player in the minors, yet has had seventeen points in 79 NHL games.

- Andy Hilbert blows an odd-man rush by whiffing on a nice pass. That never happens.

- Seems like we've been seeing a lot of minor penalties tonight. Maybe the officials are cracking down on obstruction again. Speaking of things that are different, the goalie pads do seem like they're thinner across the board. Thank goodness. As much as I enjoy people referring to goalies as "Michelin Men", smaller pads can only do good things. It'll separate the good goalies from the bad; plus, we'll see more goals.

- Tambellini takes a great chance in front of the net and blows it. Jaffe calls him out on it. Good.

- Not a lot going on in this second period. Just a bunch of failed power plays for both teams. The best part of the second half of this period would have to be a nice shot of Brent Sutter aggressively picking his ear. Leslie wonders aloud if there's buried treasure in there.

- End of the second. We cut to the C.J. Papa Intermission Report... oh wait! We're back to C-Span! Damn.

- Bouncing around the free Center Ice preview during the intermission... Carolina is beating Florida 4-3. Columbus and Dallas just started. No score in Buffalo. Atlanta is beating Washington 4-2... wow. A ton of games are on intermission. Figures.

- The third period ends... and the Islanders are on the power play. I actually laughed out loud when they said that. Of course, two seconds later, Joey MacDonald decides to wail the puck down the ice and over the glass. And two seconds after that, Mike Mottau takes a penalty. 4-on-3 hockey. Maybe now would be a good time to use that speed we heard about all summer.

- The Isles pass the puck around on their 4-on-3, just like we knew they would. We're actually seeing some pretty good up-and-down hockey when the teams are at even strength. The power plays almost seem to be a detriment to the Islanders, because it forces them to play in a specialized way as opposed to open play, when they can do anything they want.

- We're starting to see who's playing really well tonight. I'd include Jon Sim on that list. He deserves the accolades. Also up there are McDonald, Freddy Meyer, and Richard Park.

- Jaffe regales us with about Brendan Witt stepping on a stingray in Nicaragua. This is the same person who told us that he likes pain because it lets him know he's alive. If he can fend off a stingray, he can surely do the same with the Brian Giontas of the world.

- Jaffe, on a roll, mentions the new icing rule. I'm sure that would have come earlier had they, you know, aired the Isles' feed in the first period. Howie is on board with the rule change. So am I. So is Leslie. Apparently, so is Gary Bettman. Crap.

- If this live blog seemed like it lost steam towards the end, don't blame me. Blame the Devils, for completely ruining the offensive flow of the game. The Isles couldn't get MacDonald to the bench in time and they couldn't get any decent shots on Brodeur. Devils win, 2-1. And now, the Rangers are six points ahead of the Islanders.

- The Islanders didn't play awfully tonight, they just didn't play as well as the Devils. It happens. At least the Isles play a winnable game tomorrow night against St. Louis. Now, if they lose that one, it's still not time to worry - they're implementing a new system, and that sort of thing takes time. Hopefully, we see DP tomorrow night, we get a W, and all is well with the world.

Good night!

A Few Things

1) As per TSN.ca, Josh Bailey is going to start the season on the Islanders' roster. The Islanders have to make a decision on Bailey's future before he plays his tenth game; either he'll stay on the big club all year or he'll return to Windsor and captain the Spitfires, his OHL team. I see him returning to juniors, but it doesn't hurt to get him some exposure early on. One writer - I can't remember who - suggested keeping Bailey on the Island to start the season would be tantamount to a publicity stunt; after all, seven of the eight players picked ahead of Bailey are beginning the season in the NHL. I'm not sure that writer isn't onto something. But for now, we have to take this for what it is and see how Bailey develops.

2) It hasn't been heavily advertised, but NHL Center Ice is doing a free preview until the 17th. So while all your buddies watch baseball tomorrow, remember that you can watch every NHL game for free as long as your cable provider offers Center Ice. I'm still on the fence about ordering this year, but I probably will.

3) For the first time in this blog's history, we're actually advertising a live blog! We're doing the Isles-Devils game on Friday night (or, at least I am). Should be a rollicking good time, so feel free to drop on by if you'd like.

Quasi-Live Blog - Rangers vs. Lightning, Game 1

Note: Zach posted his predictions for the 2008-09 NHL season just a few hours ago. Don't forget to scroll down and check them out.

Well, here we are. Another season of NHL hockey. Thirty teams are optimistic for the seasons that lie ahead. Approximately 75% of the league has legitimate playoff aspirations. And then there are the teams that have Lord Stanley in their sights. Two of those teams, the New York Rangers and Tampa Bay Lightning, meet today in Prague.

Don't think the Lightning are legit Cup contenders? Think again. This Lightning team reminds me a LOT of the 2001-02 Islanders. New owners, new coach, new system, and expensive free agents. And had that Islanders team beaten Toronto in Game 7 of the first round, I guarantee you they would have gone to the Finals and gotten killed by Detroit. So just because the Lightning were awful last year, don't write them off this year.

Anyway, this Lightning has a "measuring stick game" right off the bat, facing the Rangers in a game that will either get Tampa Bay excited for the season or will convince fans they're going to suck again. For the Rangers, it's a chance to show their brand of hockey to an international audience. Part of the NHL's big plan is to create an international following, and getting the big-market teams recognition is part of that. So look for the Rangers to put forth their best effort in these games, both on the ice and off of it.

This isn't a true live blog; we're running a little behind here. How behind? Well, it's 1:33 PM, and the first period just ended. These, my friends, are the joys of parenthood. Anyway, let's get to the game!

- We're live, and we're in HD! Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but the Rangers can get a HD broadcast in Prague, while the Islanders can't even get a VHS camcorder at the Coliseum? Please. You've got to hand it to MSG, though; they're pulling out all the stops for this one. They even got Sam Rosen to take a personal day from his Fox NFL schedule and come over to Prague. Very well done.

- The pre-game show is highlighted by an absolutely excruciating exchange between Al Trautwig and Michal Rozsival in which Rozsival tries to tell Trautwig how to order food in Czech. Invariably, just about everything defaults to its English counterpart - pizza, hamburger, puck, so on and so forth. Hardy har har. Surely, Zach is thinking that it doesn't matter where Trautwig orders food, because he doesn't tip for take-out. Yes, there's a story there.

- I know Sam and Joe are calling the game and all, but I'm not entirely convinced they're actually in Prague. For one, in the open to the game, the arena is completely empty. Joe says something about how "it's going to be full", but I'm not buying it. We'll come back to this one.

- Whoever sings the anthem at the O2 Arena (funnily enough, last season's European opener was played in the O2 Arena in England) deserves a raise. She puts the Americans to shame. Ronan Tynan, you've got some competition.

- Sam's mic is too loud. Joe's is way too low. And you can barely hear the crowd or any of the other hockey noises. Again, it sounds more like they're commentating from a remote studio. If that's the case, boo to MSG. They do this when the Red Bulls are on the road, and the difference is night and day. It's one of those things that saves a ton of money, but ultimately makes the game sound like crap. I'm sure they really are there and are just having technical difficulties, but still.

- Classy move by both Tom Renney and the goatee-less Barry Melrose, putting all their Czech players into the starting lineup. I love little things like this.

- Tampa Bay's goalie, Mike Smith, might have the narrowest leg pads in the league. He actually looks the way a goalie is supposed to look. Maybe it's because he's so tall, or maybe it's because his pads are a horrid purpleish color, but those pads do look rather narrow. Either way, he's good. Get him for your fantasy team.

- Joe is back from his hiatus, and thank God for that. He reminds us that the boards are more curved in the corners (good point), while Sam points out the low endboards which could play tricks on the defensemen and goalies. There's also a neutral zone that might be ten feet long. Personally, I wish they'd play this game with the European-styled wide rinks. That would be cool.

- Our first big chance of the game comes when Vincent Lecavalier gets a breakaway and falls down before he can get a good shot off. It almost looked like he was doing one of those flashy breakaways they did in the All-Star Skills Competition last year.

- Nice benches, O2 arena. It looks more like the Rangers are waiting for a bus than getting ready to take the ice.

- Your Rangers captain: Chris Drury. Your Rangers alternate captains: Markus Naslund and Scott Gomez. It must be frightfully reassuring for Ranger fans that their entire leadership corps has a combined two years of Ranger service time. Then again, who else were they going to give a letter to? Blair Betts? This is a young team, by the way. The only guys who are older than 30 are Drury, Naslund, Wade Redden, and Steve Valiquette.

- Speaking of Redden, he earned his paycheck in the first period. Not only did he blow a wide-open chance from the slot, but his giveaway at the blue line led to a three-on-one rush for the Lightning. Redden, by the way, is being paid $79,268.30 to play in this game. That's approximately the amount of money I've made since graduating college.

- Drury gets open for a quasi-breakaway on the penalty kill, but doesn't have a clear path to the net and has to take a crappy shot from the faceoff circle. Not good for either team, to be honest.

- A note on the uniforms tonight. The Lightning have shoved the NHL Premiere patch on the front of their jerseys because God forbid they remove one of their shoulder patches for one weekend. The Rangers have the patch on their shoulders, as they usually do. One thing about the Rangers, though - they're wearing curved shirttails, which look ridiculous. They'd fixed this at some point last year - NHLuniforms.com shows the Rangers were the only team not to wear curved shirttails last year - but the stupid look is back. Come on. These are hockey jerseys, not dress shirts.

- We end the first period with no score and two quality goaltending performances. The intermission brings yet another airing of that stupid Trautwig-Rozsival Czech "lesson". Ugh. At least it's better than another interview where Al's mic goes out in the middle of a question.

- Random notes on the Lightning's roster. First, Jamie Heward just signed a one-year contract with them. Jamie Heward wasn't even good on a 50-point Islanders team in 2000. Good for him, though. They also have Chris Gratton, who always seems to go to other teams, only to come back to Tampa. This is his third tour of duty with the Lightning. Fun fact about Gratton - he hasn't broken the 20-goal mark since 1997-98. Lastly, there's modeling yourself off of a different team, and then there's out-and-out ripping them off. The Lightning have FOUR players who played for Pittsburgh last year - Gary Roberts, Ryan Malone, Adam Hall, and Mark Recchi. We haven't seen this kind of "emulation" since the Kings and Rangers were fighting for ex-Oilers in the early 90s.

- A short list of things I haven't heard today - a goal horn, a whistle, a slapshot, a received pass, a crunch into the boards, or just about any of the sounds you normally hear while watching a hockey game. That's kind of annoying. Then again, I'm the same person who turns the commentary in NHL 09 off in Be A Pro mode just to hear these sounds, so maybe I'm a bit biased.

- Apparently, Steven Stamkos is living with Gary Roberts this year. Oh boy. Stamkos has the opportunity to learn about the finer points of dirty play from one of the most notorious cheap-shot artists in recent memory. There are parts of Kenny Jonsson's brain that are still stuck in the Air Canada Centre boards. Thanks a lot, you prick.

- I think I've figured Wade Redden out on one level. He seems to know exactly where to be - i.e. when to pinch in from the point, etc. - but he has trouble finishing. He also doesn't seem to be able to get back on D very well. This is going to be a fun six years, Ranger fans.

- The nicest one-on-one move so far has come from Colton Orr, who pulled off a beautiful move along the boards to drive to the net. I'm impressed.

- Mike Smith can handle the puck. He's headed for Brodeur/DiPietro territory, and soon. Smith showed promise in Dallas, but he wasn't going to play in front of Marty Turco. He's got his chance in Tampa. You just hope the defense can hold up. Melrose isn't exactly known as a defensive-minded coach.

- Cliche alert! Joe (paraphrased): "Your goalie has to be your best penalty killer". Soon to come from Joe - if the Rangers want to win this game, they have to take it one shift at a time, win the one-on-one battles, and not try to do too much.

- The second period has honestly been pretty uneventful so far. And by so far, I mean there are two minutes left in it. Some chances for both teams and some technical difficulties from MSG, but that's about it. And just as soon as I type that, Naslund gets open and takes a shot from the faceoff dot. Smith gets a pad on it, but it still goes in. So your first goal of the season is Naslund from Gomez, the two A's getting it done. And, of course, technical difficulties ruin the replay.

- We end the second period with the Rangers winning 1-0 and outshooting the Lightning by a count of 30-11. Wow. Who knew the Lightning would be this bad defensively and offensively? The Rangers have had far more chances on offense, but Smith has been excellent so far.

- The intermission report takes us to the Bohemia Beer Garden, which has been mentioned like five times by Sam. Ron Duguay is there. He's a good-looking guy. Someone painted the Rangers logo on his face. Oh boy!

- Every time they show a shot of Prague, it looks gorgeous. It looks like a town you'd encounter in a role-playing game. What a place. If they attempted to get a picturesque shot of Uniondale, you'd end up looking at the beaten-down facade of a bodega or something.

- Interesting note from Dave Maloney - of Tampa's 11 shots, five belong to Lecavalier. This game is going to break wide open in the third, guaranteed.

- One of the perks of being behind is that I can put the Ottawa-Pittsburgh game on picture-in-picture. It's already 1-0 Pittsburgh just four minutes in. Must be nice.

- Mike Smith is hurt after a nice shot by Dan "Don't Call Me Joe" Girardi. We'll most likely be seeing Olie The Goalie tomorrow, if not sooner.

- Every time they show an ad in the top left corner for MSG programming, I keep thinking it's the Optimum Voice Caller ID thing. A quick recap - the Rangers play again tomorrow at noon, and the Red Bulls play tonight at 7:30. I love soccer, but I can't get into the Red Bulls. Nobody wants to watch soccer being played on a field full of football markings in front of a sea of empty seats. The proposed MLS team in Queens will be a huge hit. The Red Bulls might never be.

- Just a second after Smith makes a huge save, Martin St. Louis skates right by Dmitri Kalinin and backhands one over Lundqvist to tie the game. How often does that happen? Meanwhile, on the little screen, Shean Donovan ties it up for Ottawa; in so doing so, the Senators match their goal tally from the entire first round of last year's playoffs.

- Paul Mara fires one in from the point; Naslund whacks away at Smith's glove to no avail. That had to have killed Smith, who is still feeling the effects from being shaken up earlier this period. The Rangers are now 0-for-6 on the power play.

- Looks like the new ad-nauseum commercial for this year is going to be anti-tobacco commercial with the "hole in the throat" guy. Not that there's anything funny about permanent tracheotomies or anything. But if you're a Mets fan, you've seen these commercials a billion times already on SNY. Now, you get to watch them even more on MSG. But hey, that's what you get for being a Rangers fan. If this ad is as omnipresent on MSG Plus, I'll give myself a permanent tracheotomy by shooting myself in the throat.

- First overall pick Steven Stamkos gets clear on a breakaway - again, blowing right by Kalinin - but Lundqvist makes a tremendous save. Joe tries to give Kalinin credit for good stickwork, but the truth is he's been a statue back there all night. You don't need to whack someone with a stick if you keep him in front of you. His contract terms were not disclosed, so I can't tell you how much he's getting paid to suck today. But you're probably better off not knowing anyway.

- The game finally sounds good. It only took them like 50 minutes to figure it all out. At least tomorrow's broadcast will be much improved.

- "It's a power play goal!" Sam Rosen's favorite phrase comes out for a goal by Brandon Dubinsky on the Rangers' seventh power play of the game. You'd almost expect Smith to make that save, but he was screened by a total of three people. 2-1 Rangers, about five minutes left.

- Speaking of favorite phrases, have we had any Panasonic Digital Replays today? I can't recall one. How am I going to bring back family time without Panasonic - Ideas For Life?

- Chris Drury takes an atrocious offensive-zone penalty. Way to lead by example, moneybags. Anyway, the Lightning get an extra 30 seconds of power play time and get a decent shot off.

- The Lightning get two beautiful chances on the power play, but Lundqvist is capable and the defense does a great job clearing out the crease. Down the stretch, Melrose doesn't pull the goalie until the 20-second mark, Tampa doesn't threaten, and the Rangers win 2-1.

- Good players today - Naslund, Gomez, Dubinsky, Staal, Lecavalier, and Stamkos. Particularly awful players today - Redden and Kalinin.

- We'll do it again tomorrow, same two teams, same location. Only we probably won't be live blogging it. Hope you enjoyed!

The Quasi-Live Blog Of The 2008 Entry Draft

OK, we've never really done a live blog here, so we're just going to post this thing when the first round is over. (EDIT: We lied. We're updating it every couple of picks or so now.) It's not that we don't know what we're doing (really?), but our little Ice Girl decided to make her presence felt...

Yup, that's my little girl. She wasn't too much up for watching the draft, though. She just wanted to eat and then be put to bed.

Anyway. Enough of the gratuitous baby pictures. We've got a draft to cover!

- Bettman graces us with his presence and tries to make a joke about the passion of the Ottawa fans to rationalize their boos. Thankfully, the microphone is on a stand, so he doesn't get to do his Muhammad Ali impression all night long. (Dodges the tomatoes being thrown)

- It's almost time for the draft to begin... and it's 7:10. Stamkos at #1 is a foregone conclusion. Tampa Bay's brass comes up to pick and give shout-outs to their three different draft parties around town. They then cheap out and give Stamkos the generic #08 jersey. Boo!!!

- Stamkos is apparently all over billboards in Tampa Bay. Can they do that if they haven't signed him?

- Up next at #2 is Los Angeles. They select Drew Doughty. He's got some sick moves. I honestly didn't even know he was a defenseman until they showed it on the screen after the pick (hey, give me a break, I was trying to feed a baby). His closest comparison is Ray Bourque... well, they certainly guaranteed him a career without a Cup, anyway.

- Doughty lost 25 points in an attempt to impress the Kings, his hometown team. After the pick, the studio hosts ask GM Dean Lombardi what his plans are for the rest of the Kings' picks. Lombardi dismissed the question as the hosts laughed awkwardly. This will become a recurring theme tonight.

- Speaking of hosts, Pierre McGuire is wearing one of the nicest ties I've ever seen.

- We have a trade to announce! The crowd cheers. Florida trades Olli Jokinen to Phoenix for Keith Ballard, Nick Boynton, and a 2nd rounder. Good trade for both teams. However, they told us about this trade at the beginning of the broadcast. Sorry, Bettman.

- Ottawa's owner is interviewed. He's asked about Ottawa's trade discussions. Hardy har har.

- Commercial break. Sounds like Sum 41 is the artist they'll play over and over tonight. I guess The Tragically Hip wanted too much money.

- Atlanta picks at #3. They hired a new coach today, they have a premium draft pick - maybe things are turning around in Atlanta. Zach Bogosian is the pick here. His comparison is Rob Blake. And, like clockwork, there's yet another "It's the year of the defensemen!" statement from the talking heads.

- Bettman is caught awkwardly staring at the floor before announcing the Tanguay trade. I think he's already sick of announcing trades.

- The Islanders are the talk of the Draft for the moment, but not because they're laughing stocks. Snow and Wang are talking to Toronto about... something. Apparently, Snow has been on the phone the whole time. As long as he's not talking to Alexei Yashin, I'm happy.

- John Davidson is shown at the Blues' table, looking rather tan. They take defenseman Alex Pietrangelo. The hosts answer my question by stating that he is indeed former goalie Frank Pietrangelo's nephew. That's a relief. One of the idiots compares Pietrangelo to someone named "Larry Zubov". That's Larry Robinson and Sergei Zubov combined.

- JD is asked about what kind of offers the Blues received for the fourth pick. Guess how he responded to that one.

- Darren Dreger spoils all the fun and announces that the Islanders and Leafs have agreed to swap the #5 and #7 picks, but isn't sure what the terms are. They cut to commercial, and when they get back, they're still talking. Bettman is looking down from the stage with a "Hurry the f**k up" look on his face. One of the announcers immediately proclaims that whoever is involved, Toronto got the better deal.

- It's finally announced. The Leafs and Isles swap picks, and the Isles have their choice of the following: Either the 60th overall pick this year and Toronto's third-round pick next year, or the 68th overall pick this year and Toronto's second-rounder next year. Bettman states this twice because he thinks we're all idiots.

- One of the guys - I think it's McGuire - is abolutely gushing over this. He assures us that the Leafs will take Luke Schenn, who will singlehandedly spark the Leafs' rebuilding. Once Schenn is finally picked, his biggest fan proclaims "While Ottawa's fans don't like the Leafs, they would love to have Schenn." Oh, and his closest comparison is to Adam Foote. That's an awful lot to give up for Adam Foote.

- The hosts throw it up to Bettman to announce a trade... only he states that Columbus is on the clock. Whoops. They claimed Columbus traded for R.J. Umberger. Good going, idiots.

- After McGuire finishes rubbing one out to Schenn, Bettman announces the Umberger trade. Columbus is still on the clock.

- Gary Green is adamant that Nikita Filatov is a risky pick at #6 because he can up and go to the Continental Hockey League (the successor to the Russian Super League) whenever he wants. This is big for the Islanders; clearly, they traded down because they thought they could get Filatov at #7.

- Columbus selects Filatov. Fuck. (Sorry. We don't curse a lot here, but it's warranted now.) This kid speaks pretty good English. He's going to be a good one.

- The Islanders recover nicely, immediately trading down to #9 and taking Nashville's second-rounder in the process. Theoretically, they've got three second-rounders right now. But, of course, the Maple Leafs absolutely swindled the Islanders and got the second coming of Bobby Orr in the process. Right, McGuire?

- Bettman must want to kill himself. He figured he'd be in for an easy night of grip-and-grins with player jerseys. Not exactly. Zach was right about the level of activity tonight.

- Detroit coach Mike Babcock shakes hands with one of the prospects. The hosts accuse him of tampering. Then again, Babcock is the same guy who tried to use the HIPAA Compliance law to get out of disclosing Tomas Holmstrom's injury in the Stanley Cup Finals. He was right, by the way.

- Nashville uses its' newly-acquired pick to select Colin Wilson, whose name suggests that he should be a country singer. Instead, they take the first American-born player in the Draft. Those Nashville uniforms look a little different this year. Maybe it's because they gave Wilson a white uniform rather than a blue one.

- Fun fact about Wilson - he was born in New York (his dad was Carey Wilson), but grew up in Winnipeg. He chose to represent the USA instead of Canada. Also, his Wikipedia profile already shows him as a member of the Predators.

- Phoenix is up for #8. I bet they make Gretzky announce the pick to get a cheap pop.

- Yup. The crowd even gives him respect during the generic "hospitality" speech. Mikkel Boekder is the pick here. He's "character personified", whatever that means. He wore a pretty nice shirt to the draft, which goes a long way with me. He's compared with Milan Michalek. We can only hope that he won't follow Michalek in signing a contract extension and immediately getting thrown on the trading block.

- Gretzky hints at a trade in the second round. Nice to see someone throw a bone to our interviewers.

- The Islanders are supposed to be up next. They seem to love odd numbers tonight. Did they trade down to #11 yet?

- Nope. Snow comes up to the podium in a horrible suit and picks Josh Bailey. Word is that he's the guy the Islanders wanted all along. He's only ranked 12th overall by Central Scouting, but he put up 96 points in the OHL last year. Now, suddenly, McGuire praises the Islanders for moving down to get their man.

- Bailey was just compared to Cory Stillman. Gulp. I guess it's better than Adam Foote, though.

- The Canucks are up at #10. The exec announcing the pick is Steve Tambellini, who came very close to becoming the Islanders' GM in 2006. Tambellini mentions Luc Bourdon, who died last month in a motorcycle accident. Classy.

- Vancouver picks Cody Hodgson. One of the idiots says he could be as good as Stamkos, but a "short stride" is holding him back. They do say he's the smartest player in the Draft, though. He's compared to Chris Drury, which is never a bad thing. McGuire makes a good point - Hodgson could be a nice replacement for Trevor Linden.

- Next up is Chicago. Their draft party is at a bar. Jeez. Their pick is Kyle Beach, who was considered "the bad boy of the Draft". He had 27 goals and 231 penalty minutes last year. Canada wouldn't let him play in the Under-18 World Championships. Now here's a guy the Blackhawks fans can get behind.

- The Kings go back up there at #12. Last time, their representative thanked the 2,000 fans watching at their Draft Party (that's it?) and made a bad joke about having "a hundred picks" at this year's Draft. Nobody laughed. It was awkward.

- The idiots speculate that the Kings just traded the pick to Buffalo. Bettman confirms it. Buffalo gives up a 3rd-round pick in 2009 to move up one spot. Shrewd. Bettman looks like he wants to hit the hotel bar pretty hard tonight.

- Buffalo's rep shows up LA by announcing it has 4,000 people at their Draft Party. Oh, snap! The Sabres select Tyler Myers, an extremely tall and thin white guy. TSN, in their infinite wisdom, compares him to Zdeno Chara. I wonder where they got that one from. Still, he's a defenseman, which Buffalo needs pretty badly.

- The Kings take Colten Teubert, a defenseman. He looks like someone who can hold his own at both ends. The Kings' defense seems pretty solid for the next decade or so.

- Teubert has a really, really horrible nameplate on the back of his jersey. I guess the Kings had no idea who to pick, brought a bunch of nameplates, and just pinned one on real quick before going up there.

- Ron Francis comes up to announce the pick for Carolina. Did you know that in 2006, his number was retired in both Carolina and Hartford? That's quite an accomplishment, considering there's no team in Hartford anymore. Carolina takes Zach Boychuk, who compares with Jason Blake. Let's hope that's the Jason Blake we saw on Long Island, not the Toronto version.

- TSN gets a nice shot of Ottawa and Nashville (who is due up next) signing some papers about a trade. Bettman promises the Ottawa fans that they'll like the trade. Ottawa moves up three spots to #15 for their first-round pick (#18) and next year's third-rounder. Given that Buffalo gave up what will be a better pick to move up just one spot, that's a pretty good deal.

- Ottawa brings up Daniel Alfredsson to make the pick. Gag. He's the only male in the building not wearing a tie. Who does he think he is, Vince McMahon? Anyway, Erik Karlsson is the pick. TSN has him ranked at #20, but one of the idiots claims some places had him as high as #5. I guess that's what happens when a Canadian team picks someone.

- Karlsson has already stated that he's staying in Sweden next year. He looks young as hell. And he speaks really, really good English. He's going to be a tremendous player someday. Ottawa GM Bryan Murray proclaims Karlsson as "the bessssht player available".

- Boston GM Peter Chiarelli tries to suck up to the Ottawa crowd by announcing that Ottawa is his home city. He also congratulates the Celtics for their NBA Finals victory. Surely, he realizes that the Bruins will never cut it with the Massholes because his team didn't reach the Stanley Cup Final this year. However, should they ever make it, ESPN will be happy to ride the Boston bandwagon some more.

- Oh, the pick? Sorry. Boston takes Joe Colborne at #16. Colborne gets a jersey with no name on the back of it. That's always a good sign. One of the idiots calls him a "project" and proclaims him as "either a home run or a strike-oot". Eh?

- TSN cuts to commercial, stating that Calgary is on the clock. Calgary picks 25th. We're up to #17. See, I told you they were idiots.

- Anaheim, well-compensated from the Dustin Penner fiasco of last year, gets a plush pick. They're "proud to select" Jake Gardiner. He's American. I love when teams say they're proud to select someone. Gardiner is sporting a pink shirt tonight. He's got guts.

- The idiots reveal that today is Gardiner's 18th birthday. Imagine being drafted on your 18th birthday. How awesome would that be? I spent my 18th birthday home sick.

- Brian Burke is asked about trades, and he confirms that he's received offers for his second first-rounder. The idiots ask him who made the offers and what they're offering. UGH. Do people actually find this stuff funny.

- And with that, we're finally up to date. I'm going to miss being able to fast-forward all the crap parts. Oh, and Versus probably should have budgeted more than 3 1/2 hours for this thing. They're up to #18 and they only have 55 minutes left. I guess "Bloodsport" is going to be joined in progress due to the length of the preceding program.

- Nashville's GM is no-nonsense, not even thanking the city of Ottawa for their hospitality or shouting out their fans at the Nashville Draft Party (if there is one). Nashville selects Chet Pickard, who gives props to fellow Predator pick Colin Wilson on the way to the podium. Pickard was the consensus top goalie in the draft. Good thing Dan Ellis signed that extension today.

- Philadelphia has the 19th overall pick. Luca Sbisa is the pick. I'm almost certain Paul Holmgren butchered his name. Sbisa is compared to Mark Streit, which is a pretty high compliment. Philly's building up quite a solid defensive corps.

- Next up are the Rangers. The idiots mention their "problems" with the NHL, and they all laugh about it. OK, it is pretty funny.

- Commercial break. The Mets are winning 5-2 in the second inning. Apparently, the Mets have joined the American League. Oh, wait, they're playing in Colorado. That explains everything.

- Our sideline reporter (she's a female) informs us that tickets to the Draft were free, but ended up being scalped for up to $125. Damn, those Canadians are crazy.

- The Rangers' brass steps up to the podium, has an awkward exchange with Bettman, and sends up one of the guys to make the "hospitality" speech. This is followed up by: "With our first pick in the 2008 Draft, from the Oshawa Generals, Michael Del Zotto." That's not a real sentence.

- For the second year in a row, the Rangers end up with the once-highly-touted guy that nobody picked. Del Zotto was ranked 15th by TSN, but went #20. He was even projected to be as good as Stamkos and Doughty by this time, but it hasn't worked out. Apparently, his question mark is his maturity. It's a good thing he went to a team whose owners are on the verge of being booted out of the league over the team's website. He's also been accused of being too offensive-minded. He compares with Mathieu Schneider, a legendary Ranger.

- Trade. Devils trade their first-rounder (#21) to the Capitals for their first-round pick and one of their three second-round picks. The idiots just told a story when the Devils traded the 10th overall pick in 1990 to Calgary for the 17th pick. Calgary took Trevor Kidd with the 10th pick; the Devils took Martin Brodeur with the 17th. I hate the Devils.

- The Caps take Anton Gustaffson with their new pick. TSN doesn't even have his stats ready. He was supposed to be drafted higher, but he has a herniated disc which scared teams away.

- They've got to move this thing along. I think the NFL Draft was more briskly-paced.

- Edmonton takes Jordan Eberle with the 22nd overall pick. They show clips of him from when he was like ten years old. He projects out to be similar to Joe Mullen - not bad at all. The idiots proclaim this a "perfect pick". Is that because it's a legitimately good pick, or is it because a Canadian team made the pick? I couldn't tell you that. Eberle grew up an Oilers fan. It's always nice when guys go to their ideal team.

- ANOTHER trade. The Devils trade down once again, this time to #24, getting Minnesota's first-rounder and a third-rounder in 2009. This same trade has been made like five times tonight.

- The Wild's representative makes an awkward segue from the "hospitality" speech into their pick, thanking Ottawa for providing them Tyler Cuma. See, Cuma plays for the Ottawa 67's... get it? Ugh. Anyway, he was ranked 16th by TSN. He's got a great leadership pedigree; on a team with revolving captains, Cuma might lead this team for a long while.

- The Devils finally get around to making their pick. Lou Lamoriello shouts out the 5,000 people at the Prudential Center, which is right in line with their usual attendance. Some other guy announces the pick, which is Mattias Tedenby. Tedenby unquestionably wins the award for the tightest shirt of the evening. He's compared to Mats Naslund, which is a bit much for someone who was just picked 4th overall. Hey, Tyler Cuma was compared to Steve Staios, for Christ's sake!

- After the commercial... Calgary picks! They mean it this time!

- True to their word, Calgary approaches the podium. Darryl Sutter, in great spirits, keeps talking to the people at his table and laughing... until Bettman asks him to hurry up. Hey, if I just traded for Mike Cammalleri, I'd be in a good mood too. The Flames pick Greg Nemisz. Calgary always seems to pick up these good forwards without even trying. Nemisz wore an orange shirt, which looks pretty stupid with Calgary's red, but at least he tried.

- Darryl Sutter looks kind of like Bill Murray. Everyone's exhausted, so the hosts try to liven it up by asking Sutter about trade rumors. The hilarity ensues.

- Only three minutes until the slated start time of "Bloodsport". Let's bring it home for Jean-Claude.

- Brian Burke is spotted talking trades with people that aren't TSN hosts! What a bastard.

- Buffalo drafts Tyler Ennis with the 26th overall pick. Like five people clap. I guess $125 doesn't go as far as it used to. One of the idiots suggests that the Sabres picked Ennis because they wanted to take two guys named Tyler in the first round. It's time to go home, people. The only people who care at this point are the players and their parents.

- Ennis is projected to be similar to Cliff Ronning. That's the pick they got for Brian Campbell. Ronning was an underrated player. But even if Ennis is better than Campbell (or Ronning), does it replace the impact of Buffalo trading away yet another star with an expiring contract? If Ryan Miller leaves next year, the Sabres are in deep trouble.

- Commercial. 6-2 Mets in the 5th.

- Apparently, The Tragically Hip are still with us! They played some song of theirs over the PA. The Capitals take John Carlson, a defenseman, with the 27th overall pick. I can't remember the last time I saw relevant footage of a drafted player.

- Carlson is 6'2" and 212 pounds at just 18 years old. That's impressive. Not surprisingly, he's compared to Mike Komisarek.

- Anaheim and Phoenix are talking trade. They're also doing so right in front of Bettman so he doesn't have to give them the evil eye.

- The Ducks give Phoenix #28 in exchange for the 35th and 39th overall picks. Not bad. Sure beats a third-rounder in 2009.

- The Coyotes have a humongous bucket of popcorn on their draft table. It's even bigger than the large ones at the movie theater.

- Gretzky gets another cheap pop. They select Viktor Tikhonov, former coach of the Russian Red Army. Just kidding; it's the grandson of the legendary coach. He's thought of so highly that TSN didn't even rank him. However, Tikhonov grew up in America and does want to play in North America, so this could be a good pick. Of course, TSN says that despite his "high skill level", most scouts had him at a third-round pick. These people contradict themselves every time they open their mouths.

- Two picks left. Time for another commercial.

- Mike Mussina has ten wins this year? How? Remember when every Yankee fan wanted to cut him? Yeah. Leave it to the uber-loyal fans of the Yankees to be rewarded by those whom they cast off.

- Fun fact: There have been more first-round trades in this draft than in the previous four years combined.

- Atlanta picks at #29 with the pick Pittsburgh gave up in the Marian Hossa trade. Daultan Leveille is the pick. He's said to be one of the fastest guys in the draft. They actually show footage of him... yup, he's fast. I guess they're tired of saying "project", so they say he's a "long-term projection". In other words, he needs work.

- Last up in the first round, the Stanley Cup Champs. It's a shame Montreal didn't have a first-round pick. I love hearing them announce their picks in French.

- Detroit is wasting absolutely no time busting up to the podium. They brought Steve Yzerman along to make the pick - good idea. He gets a nice ovation from the crowd. He's also apparently the vice president of the team. Hmm. Their pick: Thomas McCollum, a goaltender. He could be the heir apparent to Chris Osgood, though goalies tend to take forever to develop.

- McCollum looks like a grown-up version of Junior from "Problem Child". The announcers just stated that he'd probably be in juniors for two years, then spend two years in the AHL, then come up to the big club. So much for him taking over for Osgood. However, he is compared to Ed Belfour. Better him than Eric Fichaud.

- That's a wrap. The crowd is empty at the ScotiaBank Place. So is my brain. Thanks to anyone who read this. The other six rounds will air tomorrow on the NHL Network; needless to say, we will not be live-blogging them. Good night!