The New York Islanders Drinking Game, Version 1.0

Note: In no way is this an advocation of drinking, especially drinking and driving. This is just a great way to document the nuances of our Islanders, both in person and on TV. You don't have to drink to enjoy this one. However, if you're so inclined (and you're not driving), take a piece or two of this, grab some beers, and have fun!

PRE-GAME ON FSN NY
- If Billy Jaffe is staring somewhere besides the camera... 1 drink
- If Butch Goring looks like a leprechaun... 1 drink
- If Deb Kaufman talks out of one side of her mouth... 1 drink
- If there's a cheesy promotion going on that night... 2 drinks
- If the cheesy promotion played a factor in your decision to not attend the game... 5 drinks. Hey, you're not driving - enjoy yourself!
- HIP Injury Report... 1 drink
- GMC Goalie Matchup... 1 drink
- Any other sponsored items... 1 drink
- If Hockey Night NY Live! actually mentions the Islanders... 3 drinks
- If that mention is a tacked-on blurb during "Short Shifts"... 2 extra drinks

GAME
- If Wade Dubielewicz is starting... 2 drinks
- If Ted Nolan is wearing a hideous tie... 1 drink
- If Rick DiPietro unnecessarily touches the puck... 1 drink
- If you yell at Ricky to stay in the net... 3 drinks
- If the TV/scoreboard shows a close-up of Mike Sillinger, a.k.a. "The Pigeon"... 2 drinks
- If Mike Comrie passes up an open shot in favor of making a pass... 3 drinks
- If you find yourself saying out loud that the Islanders need a scorer... 2 drinks
- If you find yourself asking out loud when was the last time Satan/Fedotenko/Vasicek/just about anybody did anything of note... 1 drink for each player you consider
- If you find yourself wondering if Alexei Yashin is available, whether it be out loud or in private... chug the entire bottle
- If the Islanders have a ridiculously high number of shots but only one or two goals... 4 drinks
- If the Islanders let up a shorthanded goal... 3 drinks
- If the Islanders make yet another defensive blunder... 2 drinks
- If Brendan Witt leaves the ice in pain... 1 drink
- If the young guys are the only players who are actually doing anything... 2 drinks
- If a power play comes and goes without as much as a shot on goal... 4 drinks

BROADCAST STUFF
- Do you see in HD? If so, take 2 drinks to level the playing field.
- If Howie Rose makes you legitimately laugh... 2 drinks
- If Billy Jaffe sounds like a homer... 3 drinks
- If either Billy or Howie makes a bad segue... 3 drinks
- If either Billy or Howie breaks off a segue you still can't believe five minutes later... 5 drinks
- If they show that stupid Warren Wallace Geico commercial... 2 drinks each time
- If they show an ad you've already seen 500 times on the NHL Network... chug until you're satisfied. If you don't get the NHL Network, just be thankful you don't understand this one.
- Bring back family time with... a Panasonic Digital Replay! 2 drinks each time. Be careful with this one!
- Any other sponsored items... 1 drink for each
- If Billy and Howie talk about the Hummer Metro Ice Challenge like it actually means something... 2 drinks
- If the trivia question is something ridiculous... 2 drinks
- If Howie calls out producer Larry Roth for making up such a ridiculous question... 1 extra drink
- If you secretly wish they kept trivia statistics like the Rangers do... zero drinks. They really should.
- If Jiggs McDonald is filling in for Howie... 3 drinks
- If you find yourself marvelling over Jiggs' preparedness... 2 drinks
- If you find yourself praying for an Islanders goal just so you can hear him say "He scooooores!" one more time... 1 drink
- When that goal never comes... 10 drinks

INTERMISSION
(all applicable rules from the pre-game remain intact)
- If Deb Kaufman creepily smiles at the interviewee... 1 drink per second of creepy smiles
- If Deb Kaufman asks a stupid question... 2 drinks
- If the player doesn't address the question at all... 2 drinks
- If the player says "Um"... 1 drink per "Um"
- If the player makes eye contact with Deb... 1 drink per instance
- If the player uses cliches... 2 drinks per cliche
- If the previous period's highlights consist of a number of mediocre plays... 3 drinks

AT THE GAME
(all other rules apply)
- Everybody Clap Your Hands! 1 drink per each instance of this chant.
- If you secretly get excited for Billy Jaffe's Keys To The Game... 2 drinks
- If Jaffe asks for crowd participation in his Keys To The Game... 1 drink each time
- If C.J. Papa's intermission report makes you wish for a replay of Billy Jaffe's Keys To The Game... 3 drinks
- If you hear the words grit, character, and heart and immediately want to gag... 3 drinks
- If you're dumbfounded by the intro that plays on the scoreboard... take one drink for each minute you spend trying to figure out why Ted Nolan becomes a cop.
- If Sparky The Dragon pays a visit to your section... 2 drinks
- If you complain about how the people in the cheap seats never win any of the giveaways... 2 drinks
- If you're out of breath after climbing to your top-row seats... take as many drinks as necessary to get your wind back. It should take quite a few.
- If you were smart enough to eschew the $7 Bud Light in favor of the twice-as-big Labatt Blue for $7.25... take one drink to your good fortune.
- If you find yourself wishing you could buy pretzel twists at the supermarket... 2 drinks
- If you express regret for NYMEX for having sponsored the power play... 3 drinks
- If you think the question posed in the NYI Text Poll is the dumbest question ever asked... 4 drinks
- If the response to the NYI Text Poll makes you lose your faith in humanity... 3 drinks
- If the main reason you want the Islanders to win is so you can honk your designated driver's horn all the way down the Meadowbrook... no drinks necessary. That truly is the best part!